KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
