pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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