I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
