I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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