i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
