My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
