You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
