you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
