I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
