I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
