I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize