Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
