she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
