I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
