evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i believe in u and ur pee
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
