Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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