peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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