what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
