watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
