I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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