I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
