Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize