It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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