But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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