I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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