when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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