Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
