beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
