Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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