where am i from again
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
