bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
