You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
