do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
