You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
