So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
