i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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