Welp...herpes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dear god my vagina.
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