Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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