Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
