I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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