this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
