I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
