we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
