My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
