I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
