Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
