how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
