walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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