dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
