he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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