I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
