are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize