what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
