Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
