i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
