Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
