i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
