at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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