I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms