Where is the hickey?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.