i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone