could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
