I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
