All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
