I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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