Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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