mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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