Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
